Fairwell

realizing I've been here before but each time I learn the same lesson in a different way

Often, I look at my friends, misty-eyed, watching them from the dock.

I raise my hands to shield my eyes from the sun as I watch them sail away.

Not sure if they left me at the dock or if I hesitated to take a step into the ship or if I only took one step in with another still planted on the dock or if I merely enjoyed the idea of being on the ship but the dock felt safer or if I overthought the crashing waves ahead or I’d rather be on a separate ship or I came to and realized that ship wasn’t meant for someone like me or I had too much baggage for the ship to carry or

Whatever the reason, I stand on the dock, watching them sail away

Wondering what’s better:

To do life alone or with others?

To feel alone with others or with oneself?

Now, dots on the horizon, I sit and dip my toes in the cool water

I sat there knowing, perhaps I always did.

Knowing was only half the answer.

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5.15.24

5:45am

Top left: Calida Rawles The Space in Which We Travel, 2019, Top right:The Parts Calista Rawles, That Make You Whole, 2024 Bottom left: W H Garrett, Sailing Along the Tropical Hawaiian Shore Oil Painting, Bottom right: Calida Rawles, The Space in Which We Travel, 2019